My to do list is time sensitive today. We’re leaving in 24 hours for a visit home. I’ve been planning the next three weeks for a long time now. Visions of dinners with friends and family, meetings and shopping have filled my head. The thought of all those products at Target is making me smile in my sleep. I want to eat Cuban sandwiches with my grandma, argue with my dad (it will be the first time to hug him post heart-attack), shop with my mom and sister, annoy my nieces, and spend time with siblings and cousins. And that’s just the first week.
We’re leaving Jesse and Ollie in the care of our roommates and housekeeper. I’m nervous about leaving, knowing I’ll miss our home, pets and community we’ve built here. I like who I work with. I like the girls I disciple. I like the life I have here. It’s a good feeling to know that in six months, we’ve made this a home.
This past week, I’ve struggled with my purpose in this city. Am I doing enough? Am I giving enough of my time and money? Will I make a difference? This seems to happen every few weeks. Yesterday, while walking to dinner with Frank he asked me not to ignore the ways God is working in my life and the ways God is using me here. Maybe I’m not holding orphans or serving soup every day, but I am building relationship. I’m learning how to be a mentor and how to be a good friend. I’m learning what it means to be part of a team that has the same goal, changing lives for the better.
I have a standing appointment every Tuesday morning with Natalia. We spent a long time talking about this boutique we want to start, and it helped me focus. I can make a difference in her life. I can speak truth to her about who she is and what she can be. I can spend my money and time mentoring her and giving her hope.
Today, I know my purpose.
Nicaraguan Scarves
Location: Granada, Nicaragua
Taken: January 12, 2010
It’s Sunday afternoon. I’m sitting on my couch listening to Christmas music and looking up lyrics, planning a Christmas Eve candlelight service for our missionary group. We’ll be listening to music, and reading some from the Bible. Each day, I look at the calendar and remind myself that Christmas is in …. days. Every team member that is staying in Granada has been doing the same.
It does not feel like the holidays, and not just because our temperature highs are still in the 90’s. I’ve spent too many Christmases in Tampa to think that cold weather means the holidays. Our family moved around so much that weather never really held meaning to me. Some holidays were spent with three feet of snow on the ground, others were spent watching rain smear the lights of Christmas through my windshield. It’s also not the physical presence of my family. Sometimes all of my immediate family is there, sometimes only half of us are. Nor is it gifts or the time spent opening them. Sometimes I have a lot of presents, sometimes I have one. Sometimes we open them the week before, sometimes the morning of.
I have yet to define Christmas as a married person. This year, is the perfect time to do so. Before we have a family of our own, I’d like to establish what Christmas means. We have no tree. No Christmas decorations hung. No presents wrapped. No travel plans. This is a bare bones Christmas. And yet I feel excited about the possibility of starting new traditions, of redefining Christmas for our family. So what is my definition of Christmas? It’s a celebration of relationships that matter to me, a celebration of my relationship with Christ and a time to give to those in need. I’m excited to gather with friends and listen to music and read about the prophecies of Christ on Christmas Eve, to bake on Christmas Day, as we celebrate with seven team members in their late teens and early 20’s who have never missed a Christmas at home. I’m excited to celebrate by listening to music that adores God and our relationship with him. I’m excited to put together baggies as gifts to our friends who work in the city dump.
I’ll spend the day thinking of my family and friends, sending them prayers and thoughts over the ocean, and reflecting on Christ and the gift he has given me. I hope your holiday week is full of love and good cheer, and has time to reflect on the many blessings you have been given.
I came home from our children’s program yesterday to find out that my dad had a “mild” heart attack. Mild is relative when it’s your heart. It still required a trip to the hospital, in an ambulance, and two surgeries (so far). He never lost consciousness and I got a chance to talk to him before I went to bed last night. I called my mom to check in, and he answered the phone. I was completely flabbergasted at hearing his voice.
When I put up Facebook and Twitter updates letting my friends know what was going on. I realized how many of my friends and acquaintances have already lost their dads. I’m happy I woke up this morning with the knowledge that my dad is still alive and with us. That we get to keep him for a little bit longer.
After two years of marriage, we finally made it a priority for Frank to see the great Gem state of Idaho. We spent a week with my brother and his family in Hailey, Idaho. They had a son last year, and this was our first chance to meet and hang out with him. My SIL was worried we would be bored. There isn’t much to do outside of skiing, and she couldn’t go with us because of the little tike. He’s still a little too young to ski. We spent a lot of time hanging out, watching movies, and taking Slow Groove* on long walks to get some of his 15 month energy out.
*Slow Groove came about because he’s an awesome dancer, and matches his tempo to whatever song is being played.
